Is it possible to get worked up about something that won't happen for a year?
I just did. You see, before I got pregnant I was in a teacher licensure program to get my license to teach elementary education and eventually get my masters,too. When I started in 2011, my husband and I thought we'd wait until I completed the program to ttc (try to conceive). Well, plans changed and we decided to ttc this past January. Anyhow, I have two classes left in the program (no big deal) but I also need to student teach for a semester before I can move on to the graduate courses. I neglected to read some of the fine print (which at the time honestly didn't matter) which states I need to have the entire program COMPLETED within three years or else I need to re-do some of the classes (not cheap!!). This means by summer 2014. Ugh.
So I just got completely worked up over the thought that ,for four months (a year from now) I will be working long hours and not being a SAHM. I won't go into our options right yet (not entirely sure what were going to do yet to be honest) but the thought of my girl being with anyone else for so many hours is just devastating.
Yes, I want so greatly to teach.Yes, I should have thought about all of this before, but what can I say?!? My husband knew the moment we said "I do" back in September 2010 that I would want kids as soon as he was ready. It just so happens he was ready in the middle of my program and I was so dizzy with excitement I didn't look to see what the sacrifices would be. We make plenty of money, we're stable, we have great careers ahead of us - what could go wrong?! Ha!
Anyway, I feel better just writing this down(thank you therapy blog!) I have an amazing support system and it is only going to be a few months (a year from now) but I am human and the thought of leaving my girl is emotional. I have to keep reminding myself that its only for a short time (I will continue to be a SAHM after I student teach. Once I'm done with student teaching we're hoping to TTC baby #2). The spring will be the best (and cost-effective) time for me to student teach but that doesn't calm my mind. Leaving my girl to go to the store is almost too much to bear.
In the coming weeks and months I've got to figure out a plan of when ill finish these two classes and what well do for care next spring. To think- shell be 15 months old and into so much.
Oh wait. I can't think about that - I just may cry some more.
(Edited 1/18 because I wrote this mess on my phone in the dark :P )